Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Republicans Seek to Rebuild Party

The morning after their most thorough trouncing since 1964, Republicans woke up asking, “Where did we go wrong? I mean, other than the war, torture, the economic implosion, corruption, incompetence, ideological purges…” Republicans now must look to rebuild their party. One strategist saw both a diagnosis and a potential cure in the demographic breakdowns in the exit polls. “Well, we won people over 65 and rural, white evangelical Christians. We did real well among them. And among those who thought Obama might be a secret Al Qaeda mole, " said Ty Malone. "We need to focus on increasing the number of old people, evangelicals living in small towns, and wackos.” The party is faced with some potential contradictions, however, in following this strategy of expanding their base. “Evangelicals can go out and recruit people, so that might work.” said one Republican pollster. "Unfortunately, old people die off -- the baby boomers will help produce more of them but we need to slow the production of younger voters. More handguns maybe. Unfortunately, there is a relatively fixed pool of wackos – the Internet and Palin rallies just make it seem like there are more of them.”

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