Thursday, December 4, 2008

Barney Conducting Secret Lobbying Campaign to Stay as White House Dog

According to White House insiders, President Bush’s Scottish Terrier Barney is engaged in furious back channel negotiations to be allowed to stay on in the position of White House dog in the Administration of newly elected President Barack Obama. Obama’s public promise to get a dog for his two daughters set off heated speculation about what type of dog it would be. It is a safe bet that no-one ever considered Barney, generally considered as one of the last remaining Bush loyalists. According to friends, however, Barney has steadily grown disillusioned with his master starting with the botched Federal response to Katrina, in which many dogs perished. “Basically, I think Barney has gradually recognized that Bush, friend though he is, has been a disastrous President,” said someone close to the terrier. “Remember,” he went on, “Bush picked Barney, not the other way around.” Barney, born in New Jersey and living in D.C. his whole life, has also made clear he has no desire to return with the Bushes to Texas. “Hey, I’m a Scottish terrier,” he once observed. “As in 'cloudy, cool banks of Loch Lomond.' I think 'Crawford' must be Scottish for 'scorching shit-hole'.” He has been making the argument to the transition team that his experience, house training and hypoallergenic fur will give the Obamas one less thing to worry about. “Do you really want a stupid retriever puppy peeing on the Oval Office rug?” observed one backer.