Saturday, February 27, 2010

Hockey Team Deals With Canadian Trash Talking

Vancouver -- The highly anticipated rematch between the U.S. and Canadian hockey teams has brought out a rarely seen competetive fire among the host country's fans. Americans were surprised to read in the New York Times that American goalie Ryan Miller had experienced "trash talking" of the local fans, although he noted that, being Canada it was "polite". Here we repeat the most frequent taunts tossed by Canadians at visiting Olympians.

Bode Miller -- "Hey Bode, say hi to your wife for me. I've never met her but she seems like a nice lady."

Lindsey Vonn -- "Hey Lindsey, too bad you hurt your shin. Our national health care system would take care of that for free -- if you were Canadian."
Chad Hedrick - "Hey Chad, you wife's weight is in the healthy range for her height but I don't think she is getting sufficient fiber in her diet."
Johnny Weir -- "Hey Weir, here in Canada you could get married."

Ryan Miller -- "Goalie, if we play up to our potential, Canada has a good chance of scoring
some goals against you."

Apollo Ohno -- "Hey, Ohno, shouldn't it be 'Oh-yes'?"

Shaun White -- "Shaun, we would gladly worship you as a God except we are a secular country."

1 comment:

Barry said...

Speaking on behalf of my Canadian friends and colleagues, who are too polite to respond, I am sorry (pronounced soar-y) to have to point out that the title is quite misleading. Not merely the U.S. hockey team, but it seems most of the most prominent U.S. athletes have been subjected to a very un-Canadian lack of hospitality. Were the perpetrators all Quebecois, of course, it would just be comme toujours, we should let the little froggies secede and sink into their own crotte. Oops, sorry.

Let me assure you that the Mounties have been despatched to deal with the perpetrators, who will be confined to the chesterfields in their houses (pronounced "hoh-ses") and required to watch reruns of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood until they have learned to be nicer. In addition, we are giving Avril Lavigne and Celine Dion to the United States. Take them. Please. We're keeping Joni Mitchell, though - please send her back.