Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What To Expect From Health Reform

Many provisions of the newly enacted healthcare reform will take place gradually over the next 5 years. Here is a guide to the changes we can expect to see as health reform is gradually instituted:

1. 2011 -- Republican Congressmen Joe "You Lie" Wilson and Randy "Baby Killer" Neugebauer become supporters when they learn that they can't be denied coverage due to pre-existing Tourette's Syndrome.

2. 2012 -- American insurance companies, forbidden from developing innovative new excuses to deny coverage, move to less regulated markets in India. Consumer complaints increase over denials of coverage for pre-existing Karma.

3. 2013 -- Rush Limbaugh fulfills his threat to leave the country if health reform passes. He moves to the last remaining bastion of free-market medicine, China, where he develops lead poisoning from counterfeit Oxy-Contin. He launches Chinese radio show warning that Premier Hu Jintao is turning the country into a Communist state.

4. 2014 -- Employees with good health coverage begin voluntarily dropping insurance. "Having insurance no longer feels special now that anyone can get it," complains Mary Anderson. "It's like espresso -- when you could only get it in Europe, it tasted pretty great but now that it's on every corner you realize it is just a really small, expensive cup of coffee. "

5. 2018 -- The new tax on "Cadillac" insurance plans goes into effect, forcing everyone to ask -- "What's a Cadillac?". Legislators revise wording to "Lexus insurance plans."

6. Young adults, freed from worry over uninsured medical expenses, begin to binge drink and engage in risky sex with multiple partners.


Peggy said...


I am looking forward to Rush moving to China!

Seeker said...

One of the funniest articles I've ever read, keep up the good work.