Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Republicans Decry Obama Response To Oil Spill
New Orleans -- Republicans attacked the Obama Administration reaction to the growing oil spill off of the Louisiana coast, attempting to liken it to the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans and the botched response of the Bush Administration. "The callousness is sickening," said House minority leader Rep. John Boehner. "Every day they are letting thousands of innocent barrels of oil just drown off the coast. This shouldn't happen in the richest country in the world." Chimed in Newt Gingrich, "I know the left-wing media won't say it, but President Obama doesn't care about black liquids." Talk show host Rush Limbaugh urged listeners to take to the seas to form a human rescue brigade. "It is clear the Federal government is only concerned about liberal constituencies like wetlands and oysters. But with your boats, you can rescue that oil and give it a decent home in an American fossil-fuel- burning machine. It will be just like the evacuation at Dunkirk. 'But Rush," you ask, "there are millions of barrels in that spill. What difference can rescuing a few barrels of oil make?' I'll tell you what -- it matters to those barrels of oil,"said Limbaugh. In a related story, a group of Brown Pelicans released a statement in response to Limbaugh's comment that the spill might have been caused by environmental terrorists and that people shouldn't worry it since nature will take care of it. "We are out there fishing everyday for a living so we don't really know much about this guy Limbaugh," said one pelican, wiping oil off his left wing. "But he sure sounds like a drug-addled douche-bag. "