Saturday, January 16, 2010
Back and Forth over Palin Continues
The release of several new books on the 2008 campaign has reignited the war of words regarding the failed McCain-Palin campaign. The latest involved the assertion, in the recent "60 Minutes" interview with McCain campaign head Steve Schmidt, that Governor Palin had told staffers that she believed her nomination was part of God's plan. In an unprecedented move, the Almighty authorized sources to speak on his behalf to deny direct involvement in her selection. "Frankly, He was as shocked as anyone by her selection. He had never even heard of her," said an archangel speaking under a request of anonymity out of fear of retribution by Palin supporters. It actually turns out that a benign Heavenly mix-up may have been behind the selection of the then-Alaska Governor. "Look, to be honest, the job of managing the Republican campaigns was given to one of our demoted archangels. Ever since the Republicans tried to screw up God's plans for Terri Schiavo, the Almighty has viewed that assignment as a way to punish under-performing staff - kind of like getting placed on the Kyrgyzstan desk at the State Department," said the source. "And the angel remembered "popular Governor", "snowmobiling", "problem solver" and somehow confused Palin with Pawlenty. Believe me, we were all pretty red-faced." According to the source, the decision of the Almighty to go on record was furthered by His annoyance at Palin's recent statements that she might re-enter politics if God "showed her the open door" someday. "Look, he's the Almighty, not some two-bit bellhop in a uniform. He is out there smiting His enemies, not managing the careers of second-rate political pundits. " In an unrelated vein, the Archangel mentioned "the Almighty really wishes Pat Robertson would shut his pie-hole. He would have shut Pat up Himself, if you know what I mean, but He is still in tense negotiations with Lucifer about who would have to take Pat when he dies."