Monday, February 13, 2012

Santorum Plans New Voter Registration Drive


Washington, D.C. -- Sen. Rick Santorum, riding a new wave of popularity in GOP polls, today announced plans to register a new crop of young voters who he thinks may be a powerful force of support. Citing the unanimous view of the Republican Presidential contenders that life begins at conception, Santorum announced that he was launching a drive to register hundreds of frozen embryos currently stored in infertility clinic freezers. "Look," he noted, "in-vitro fetilization took off in the 1980's. Hundreds if not thousands of these American-conceived embryos are now at least 18 years old and deserve the full rights conferred by American citizenship." The senator dismissed arguments that the embryos were not sentient beings and had no knowledge upon which to cast a ballot. "Those criteria are irrelevant. They would easily eliminate much of the American electorate." Asked why he felt the embryos were a natural constituency for his campaign, Santorum elaborated, "I am clearly the most pro-life candidate. And if you are looking for a platform that would resonate with people frozen in the past, it is pretty clear I am your guy." In a related announcement, Karl Rove announced plans to organize a Super Pac for fetilized eggs called "Americans Ready to Divide".

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