Saturday, January 21, 2012

Gingrich Proposal Shakes Up Race

Charleston, S.C. -- Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich startled the Republican campaign today by asking the American public to consider electing him to an "open Presidency." "The problem with the electorate," he noted, "is that the U.S. public wants the President all to themselves. Other countries aren't like that." Under the terms of an "open Presidency", Mr. Gingrich would be allowed to compete for the Presidency of other countries while serving as U.S. President. Mr. Gingrich denied that there was already "another country", although campaign rumors have noted him spending a suspicious amount of time with Moldova recently and some websites have posted what they claim at "mash notes" between Gingrich and Kyrgyzstan, praising the latter's "bodacious Tatars". Gingrich has apparently grown disenchanted with the American populace for not sufficiently recognizing his transformational brilliance and with its constant nagging to "just shut up and clean up all your crap."