GOP Seeks Bailout Protection

The national Republican Party has filed an application to the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), the Federal bailout program in charge of rescuing failing banking and insurance industries. According to the filing, the GOP's ability to obtain credit in the public marketplace has "completely frozen up" , according to one analyst. Their troubles were brought on by a series of bad investments over the past 8 years, including seriously over-leveraging their investments in the war on terror, deregulation and "conservative Christian values", all of which are trading at all-time lows.

The request for a bailout has caused a strong debate in economic circles. Some feel that without fundamental restructuring of the GOP, a bailout will simply delay the inevitable declaration of intellectual bankruptcy. "Look," noted one analyst, "they keep hoping the models that sold well in the 1980's will make a come back. They haven't updated their basic design and styling to create a package that meets the needs of the American consumer." The GOP did create a temporary buzz at the 2008 summer autoshow with their radical concept car, the Palin, a stylish gas guzzler, but consumers turned on it after a number of highly publicized accidents raised questions about it's basic safety and durability. Foreign competition, incuding the U.K. -made Cameron, has generally outperformed the American models in the conservative marketplace.