Dear _________:
It was such a pleasure to reconnect with you on Facebook after losing touch since (a. that crazy night in Cabo; b. our days together at Northwestern; c. sitting next to you in Miss Smedenburg's preschool). I was really amazed to see that you had (a. become a successful lawyer in Washington; b. gotten those front teeth straightened and found Jesus; c. had 5 kids; d. lost all of your curly brown hair). I have enjoyed your frequent postings, especially the (a. Biblical message of the day; b. links to the "Laughing babies" on You Tube; c. screeds about how Obama is selling out the left; d. details of your life insurance business). I have also enjoyed the photos of (a. your children's report cards ; b. you with your local Congressional delegation; c. your vacation to Tuscany; d. the Walk to Raise Awareness for Body Dysmorphic Disorder). Unfortunately, my Friend list is now over 300 and it has become clear that (a. your days of being the "hottest chick" in our dorm are a distant memory; b. you have no useful connections in the Obama Whitehouse; c. you really need to get out more; d. I still have no idea how I know you). I sincerely hope you don't take my need to remove you from my Friend list personally. If you ever visit ________, I would really love the chance to get together, especially if (a. they ever get your medication dose adjusted; b. you lose 100 pounds; c. your probation conditions are loosened).
Your everlasting friend,
Name Here
1 comment:
Thanks - I've been holding out against importunations to join MySpaceBook and "friend" common household appliances, over-the-counter laxatives, and unsupervised 12-year olds. But now I know there is a way out, should I cave.
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