Things You May Not Know About the Bush Administration Record

As part of the attempt to burnish the Bush legacy, the White House has released a pamphlet entitled "100 Things Americans May Not Know About the Bush Administration Record" (www:\\Whitehouse.gov). Among the lesser known items:

You may not be aware that the President Bush and his administration:
1. Always insisted its members maintain the highest ethical standards until they resigned, were indicted or wrote a tell-all book.
2. Helped double internet access in Moldovia.
3. Insisted that all Cabinet members, including the President himself, always offer frank, unvarnished advice to VP Cheney.
4. Prevented any U.S. death from major meteorite strikes for 8 years.
5. Personally assigned pet nicknames to 145 Administration staffers and Cabinet members and 82 individual members of the White House press corps.

6. Worked with Jack Abramoff to reduce regulatory barriers to private-public partnerships.
7. Never received oral sex from a White House intern.

8. Is still pursuing "second gunman" theory behind Cheney hunting accident.

9. With only one exception, refused to let Dick Cheney employ his Sith Lord cyborg death grip in Cabinet meetings (and that one time, Paul O'Neill really had it coming).
10. Insisted that each of its Attorneys General hold a law degree from a real accredited law school.
11. Carried on time-honored tradition of incompetent but unindicted Secretaries at HUD.
12. Avoided wars with 582 of 584 (99.6%) independent nations.
13. Remains popular in Turkmenistan

14. During a record-breaking 800 days of vacation, remained thoroughly engaged in the important Administration tasks, including: 6000 miles of mountain-biking; 400 acres of brush-clearing;  400 hours of security briefing; and 4 days of watching an American city drown. 

15.  Was instrumental in helping elect the Nation's first black President.